I must not be the only one who feels as though my days consist of things I have to do, and not things I want to do. Most days I feel like a complete robot, or a slave to my life.
We are born on this earth, and required to pay to live on it and of course to survive. Where is the line between doing what must be done, and self-satisfaction? Why are we giving up ourselves, our time and who we are because we are scared that we may fail? We stick to what we know and what is guaranteed, the regular nine to five. 

      The worst is the guilt, that we never do enough, that we do is never appreciated and that we are simply a number, waiting to be replaced by the upcoming candidate. I look around sometimes and I think, "What am I doing here?" and the voice inside my head says "Working to live! What do you mean! Duh!". What does it mean to live, to work to pay bills and to work again? The reality is we all wish we could drop everything, resign and follow our dreams. But as probably every grandmother has ever said, "dreams do not pay the bills!". Ideally, we would all like to be paid to do what we love, but what if that's not possible for the lifestyle we want to live?
      So, what do we do?

      We must realize the reality of the world we live in and find our way to satisfy ourselves within it. It's hard because I get trapped in this cycle of misery when I realize I waste most of my time at work, and I end up being less productive because I sit around feeling sorry for myself. 
     Does anyone else feel like that? 

     It can feel like a second full time job, always trying to Ť live ť outside of your job. Even school can have the same effect. Most people aren't meant for school or forced by their parents and they feel no satisfaction even after receiving their diploma. Why is school such a measure of success? Seems like just another trap to control us and keep us all in the system, because it limits us and classifies us. We are more than doctors, lawyers, psychologists, or engineers. We are more than our careers. 

     So, between school and work, I feel as if I am forcing myself to live out experience that will give me satisfaction which loses its value and its magic. I start to feel like a slave again. << Come on do this or that, you have to live a little! >> 
So where is that happy place? 

     I left for two months alone to Europe for an internship, exactly for that reason, because I felt I was wasting my life. That experience was completely life changing. I had never been so happy in my life especially on my own. Happiness is in growth, discovery, changes, overcoming fears, healing your broken parts, dancing, finding love, making friends, accomplishments and the feeling of the wind on your face.
     Your life happens while you are busy trying to figure everything out. It lies in anything that allows us to evolve, but how do we do that in a constant routine? Wake up, eat, shower, work and repeat. We put so much pressure on our days off as if that is where our lives actually exist. The idea that ‘we work and then we die' is depressing and counterproductive. Our days off end up being full of all the other things we have to do like groceries, getting gas, doctors' appointment, going to the bank etc. and then back to square one.

     I would say that maybe, working for a while saving than taking a break from it all and then going back when you run out of money. That seems doable but unrealistic for most people.
So, I ask again, what do we do? 

    They say you must be content with yourself no matter what you do or where you are or who you're with, but that's unrealistic as well. What is life if not the things we do.
Who we are is especially in the way we think and what we do with our perception of it all. 
    The most important concept to remember is that everything is temporary. We will not stay at the same job for the rest of our lives, or live in the same house, have the same car, be the same weight, have the same hair colour, or have the same style or even taste in music. Not that these things truly matter, but that life moves forward whether you like it or not. Nothing is permanent. What gets me through my days of doubt, on my way to work and in horrible Montreal traffic, and wishing I was on the beach, I tell myself Ť I am only a slave if I let myself be one, which, I won't, because this is only temporary Ť
 

Gabrielle Suryn

Gabrielle Suryn is an endless traveller, a photographer, a writer of a book in writing, an animal lover and activist, Business and Management professional and a future animal shelter owner. A strong belief in self-reflection and improvement is Gabrielle's motto for life.